Random Thoughts: A Letter of Complaint

Dear Valentine’s Day:  Fuck you.  

Don’t take that the wrong way.  I mean I fully acknowledge your patron saint’s contributions to love and romance.  But haven’t we lost our way on this one a little bit?  I mean it’s one thing to help lovers get married in secret, but to exploit it hundreds of years after the death of the man it was named for in an attempt at selling a few more boxes of chocolate and cheesy greeting cards is going a bit too far.  Seriously, if we wanted to truly celebrate the spirit of the holiday, we’d find someone secretly going around marrying homosexual couples against the angry wishes of the government.  I mean, that is what he did, right?  (As an aside, I think that would be fucking awesome and would probably support that person 100%, even if the church probably wouldn’t canonize said individual.)

Don’t try to defend yourself.  You know that you have become corrupt and rotten, using the name of love to further your cause.  Why else would you try to corner the market on affection?  You make us feel like the worst people in the world if we don’t do something for our significant others, despite the fact that we have continually shown our loved ones how we feel throughout the year.  (By the way, if you’re one of those fucktards that thinks about doing something romantic only on a random day in February then you’re doing it wrong and are probably the reason the opposite sex thinks we’re all self-centered assholes). 

At least Christmas has the good sense to still be loosely associated with religious observations both Christian and Pagan.  New Year’s is true to its roots as a celebration of the turning of the calendar.  St. Patrick’s Day isn’t nearly as pretentious and it turns our beer green.  Seriously, aside from either making us do something romantic to stay out of the doghouse or depressing everyone who doesn’t have a special someone in their life, what the fuck do you do for us?  (Hey Christmas…don’t think this lets you completely off the hook.)

Love is constant and enduring.  Love was before you and always will be.  Love can never be extracted from the human soul (though it can be suppressed).  Love is too big for a single day. 

You are simply around because tradition allows you to exist.  You are nothing more than words on a calendar which require love to give them purpose and meaning.  You, much like we mere mortals, need love knowing that love does not need you.

You have 360 days to get over yourself and start serving a real purpose.  Meanwhile, we’ll be sharing love with those around us without your meddling.

In nomine Penguin, et cetera.